We all struggle in our lives, we all do mistakes and at some point of life we all have prayed for a last chance; if you get that last chance you ll put your best to prove yourself. Like a do or die situation. Lucky are those who get their last chance and many are unlucky who never get a chance and they regret all their lives "If I could have got a chance".
When I was preparing for JEE, I was little bit over confident. The reason was good marks in board examinations. Overwhelmed response from my family and relatives. They were then realizing that I could do it. Life changes in seconds; relatives, their perception, everything changes in seconds. I was luck in some sense that it took a month to change their perception, one second could have been more disastrous.
SO with high spirits, I started preparing for JEE, JEE pattern had changed that year. It was a two phased examination one is PRE and then Mains. Pre exam was of multiple choice questions. And only those who ll qualify PRE can appear in Mains.
At examination hall, PRE exam tuned out to be more surprising as it had negative marking. Oops.. now you can not guess, you can not tick all questions, and its panic. I did my best though. However performance is judged relatively top 3 - 4% would be selected rest would be out!!
All coaching got closed for one month during December and new year will come with results- good or bad, just wait!!. I took a bus same day and headed to my home town. Until, we check our answers who knows who would be lucky in new year or unlucky!!!
So, next morning, exams answers were published in news paper. Me and my fellow aspirants matched and scored ourselves based on negative marking. OH MY GOD!!! I could not believe myself, it was so shameful, so disastrous, I scored 35/105.
Zzzzzz, I was speechless, tears came to my eyes. I struggled with myself, full of emotions. Matter worsen when everybody starts asking, how much is your score, specially your critics and those who look for something to mock at you. My dad was first person, looking at my face anyone could have guessed that okay I did not do so well. He shot with smiling face 'how was it?' indirectly pointing ' I told you you can not do it, you wasted money and time, I told you to get admission in BSE, but you never listen'.
I suddenly remembered, I have one hope, who knows if everyone else have done bad, after all its all relative!!! I checked with others, and here it goes: swati 65/105, ravi 55/105, amit 72/105, and abhi 75/105 (names changed) and so on..... My all hopes graved in a deep deep coffin. I could not believe, am I so stupid? Is my IQ so low? I could not even score half of what others have scored and suppositely, I always performed better than others till now!
I was shattered. Now, I cant stop my tears, day or night, morning or evening. I was deeply saddened. Relatives hurt more, they trusted me and my IQ and defended me always but now every one was questioning me! And I had no answer. I cried cried and cried. My mom was as sad as I was. Because, it was her result too and she failed. In fact, I failed her, her efforts were under questions too. My brothers friends scored well, my friends scored well, it was just me got the lowest(in JEE) from highest (in board exam). My grand pa once mocked ' how much is yours!' and with a sound laughter said ' Abhi in neighborhood, scored 75, tum to giri DHADAM !!!'.
Rather than blaming my result on someone, I took all responsibility of getting such a low score. I knew I have done something terribly wrong that's why I have to face this. I did not study well.... may be .....But how come????, I did study yaar !! That's the only thing I do. When I got no one to console me I closed my eyes, 'God, Gimme a last chance to prove myself. I at least deserve last chance. One last chance!'.
As days went by, December was ending, and for me there was no joy in new year. Now, because it was clear I could not be selected, I thought of next year, but Next Year!!!!' next year was too too far. My dad planned that I should not continue with coaching and my supporters were all zipped. I at least wanted to complete coaching because then at least I could try next yr without coaching. I tried to convinced my mom, ' I can do it mom, I can do it'. She replied. 'How !!'. My heart was broken, 'at least you dont say like this !!!'.
I realized, 'It was rather my last chance! and I could not give my best. God please, give me a last chance'.
It was new year, results were out. I cut myself out from results, did not even check my result. I had no courage to check it! I headed to coaching thinking that I shall request my teachers to let me sit in Mains classes. At the entrance gate, there was no one, and the lonely gate had two lists of names. I looked here and there confirming that there is no one around, I dint want to face anyone, specially the question ' your result? selected!'. I glanced at the list in hurry, my eyes got frozen at one number. I checked....... I checked again. I got puzzled. With astonished eyes I checked again. I wanted to rub my eyes. It was my number!!!!
Is this list of selected people or those who are not selected??? My name in the list? next to impossible!!. I turned to my mom, ' mummy my number is in this list'. The sad lady was so deep in her thoughts she looked at me blank. I ran to coaching office, my teacher's wife greeted me with smile as said' Happy new year'. I thought 'who cares about new year?'. I came to my point straight, ' Maam, the list outside contains names of selected students OR ......'. She replied,' yeah yeah selected ones, is your name there?'. I said, ' yeah my name is there but.... I mean... Are you sure!!!'. She smiled, ' yeah, sure, congratulations. your classes info will be updated soon.'
'Okay, thanks.' .....Now, I had mixed feelings, happiness, surprised, puzzled. I was so convinced of my not selecting, I bumped into my mom and said, 'she said its list of selected students and my name is there'. Our first suspicion was it might be misprinted. Then, lets check on internet. We ran to a cyber cafe, and with trembling hands I entered my roll number, and a new window poped up "Congratulations!! You have been selected. Your rank is 14,384. Wish you all the best on Main Examination'.
I and my mom burst into tears, when cyber-cafe owner, who was also looking into screen turned to us and said 'Congratulations'. Owner was surprised. Did he say something worng?? why the two ladies are crying over a selection, Strange!!!
That was a turning point of my life, after that my life changed. I asked for a last chance and I was lucky enough to get it. Though I got selection among the lasts in PRE but I turned it into final selection in Mains. And by the way, none of my fellow JEE aspirants those who have got score in 60's and 80's got selected except one! I suffered because I was truthful of my results be it just 35/105 but that suffering brought me selection in Mains. I really worked hard for Mains and finally made it. :)
