Playing with guns...

It's always pleasure to visit home on annual visits since I went for Bachelor studies. It was summer time and full 2 months vacation. Yippiii ... I was very well welcomed. I wondered when I used to stay here this was totally different place... no special considerations... no welcoming ... nothing.. and Now things are different.

Everyone in neighborhood, whenever they see me, they talk... says few nice appreciative words ...aah ... it feels good ... it feels damn good ... :) ... In small town like where I belong to, one paradise is roof top access... though the houses are not multi-storied buildings but every house has a roof top... in the evening time everyone comes to roof and whenever they see one another they greet and talk ... specially children and housewives...

Thus the best time to chat old buddies is to make your presence visible on the roof top and refresh childhood memories. After quite some time, me and my brother were at our roof to see changes in neighborhood ... few new buildings ... somewhat new roads .... and if you stretch your vision to further horizon, you can see construction on new telephone tower.

"hey neha didi", suddenly my ear heard these words and my eyes automatically turned to a known human figure. Before I could have said anything in return, he said.

"When did you come from your college? ... Long time haven't seen you !!!"

"hey Lavi " I exclaimed with smile. Lavi's home was next to our house. he was quite younger to me, around 6 or 7 years I think. Okay let me calculate, when I was in BTech 2nd year, he was in high School, so yeah around 5-6 years.

"Yeah, I just came yesterday, my exams are over.. so having summer vacation right now."

"You have forgotten you home?..eh .. you don't come very frequently" He said with little complaining and more teasing.

" Naah, its really tough to come when session is on.. so only can afford to come in vacations... So, hows your studies... you should be in 9th class or something..." I asked recalling my memories at fullest.

"No... I am in 10th just finished with High School Board exams..."He said

"Okay" I replied...

"Bhaiya you know, I have learned how drive a tractor." he said happily.

I suddenly realized my brother was with me too while all this conversation.

"Hmm ..mmm ", my brother said bluntly.

"A tractor, ain't you too Young to drive a tractor?" I was a bit surprise.

"Tractor is nothing, Neha didi, my uncle even taught me how to fire a rifle, he has got new rifle." he said proudly.

I was surprised... though its not too surprising to have rifles and guns at home (licensed ones) for the sake of own safely... but few people just have it to show off... that have got a licensed rifle. its really expensive and it certainly increases status in society ... similar to have a car ... say Mercedes....

"Hmm... " I was not in favor of letting a kid learn how to fire bullets... that simply doesn't make sense...

"Bhaiya you know, one of my relative, my aunty, ... she shot herself using my uncle's rifle. she just went inside the room ...locked the doors... sat on the floor stretching her legs perpendicular to the body.... pointed tip of the gun to under her chin.. and triggered rifle from her leg's thumb.... One shot ... 2 seconds and game over"...his explanation was so vital that whole sequence ran into my retina..

Terrific...Terrific... I shivered even thinking of it... and look at him ... he's telling this story as if he is praising the dead lady for her bravery ... as if he is praising the technique how wisely she used rifle to shot herself... damn it ...

"Oh, this is bad and sad of course ... one should not have such dangerous weapons at home. it's a real tragedy." I pity on the dead lady.

" But didi, you she how she used the gun, in one shot ... and not a single chance to be alive ... everything will be over" he said.

My mood turned off. I wanted to protest, but my brother squeezed my hand indicating leave it ... you can not make him understand that this exercise is bad. " why are you worried... its his parents duty to show what is right ... what is wrong... when they don't care and they themselves are encouraging what can you do... you can't change his mentality in one conversation." my brother whispered to me...

I understood... I wanted to help... but how do you really know that you are actually helping .... I left it there... may be its not in my reach.

"Dinner ready, come down", my mom called both of us, me and brother downstairs. Conversation with Lavi got over at once... we said bye to him and came down ...

"wow what a delicious food, mom... after so long ... this is heaven!!" I said. Mom smiled...

"yeah yeah ... i know... you eat well so that you ll have energy to study when you go back" mom said.

"when board exam result's ll come out... soon I think... this time so many kids had appeared for the exams from our neighborhood..." she said.

---------------------------------xxx---------------------------

One month passed since I have come to home, one more month to go... Now I was getting a little bored... coz nothing to do much ... just sit ... eat ... watch tv... talk ... and sleep....

Three of us me, brother and mom are together again for dinner...

"tonight board result will be out, I think" mom said.

"yeah...rather its out", brother added more information.

"wow.. so how was result" I asked curiously.

"As usual, over all result was 29% this year. Mahi, Sarita, Neeraj and Abhinav, they all passed. Mahi and Neeraj first class, Sarita second class and Abhinav I don't know... may be first or second class", brother said.

"Hmm quite good... who else remaining... what about Rinku?" I asked

"Oh he is still in 9th, his board exam will be next year .... yeah ... bad news is Lavi failed... " he said

"What!!!! is it ??" both me and mom exclaimed.

"yep, I dunno why and how, but even almost all have passed, the poor guy failed... " he said.

"oh po...o...r "...our conversation stopped as we heard a sound... somewhat like a pot had fallen ... but felt a peculiar sound ... like .... like .... a gun shot.

Mom: What was that ?

Me: !!!!

Brother: a gun shot.... nothing new.... there might be someone's marriage... it happens...

"oh", we thought calming down ourselves ....

Mom: It is ? .... Is some one crying ? I can hear some one crying ...

She stood up with an electric shot, and ran towards the window from where the sound was coming ... we followed her...

"Its definitely something... see Lavi's aunty is crying... Gaurav you go and see ... see what has happened?" mom said in horror.

My brother immediately headed to Lavi's house. We were left back at home ...puzzled... What we could hear were increasing cries more and more prominent and gathering people at Lavi's house.

Brother came back after 10 mins, he looked troubled and pathetic as if he has seen some ghost.

We: What!!

Brother: its him.. he shot himself... Lavi shot himself...

"God..." we were speechless... surprised ...aghast... horrified... and it was just unbelievable...

Soon police came... and house was soaked into deep deep sadness. Mom and dad, both went to his house to console the family. Me and my brother left at home, at our roof top, watching his house in dark clear night.

Me: I cant believe this has happened ... can't believe he is dead!!!

Brother: I went there ... his aunty came running, crying badly and pointed me to the room where he was... I entered... I saw him... his body took two jerks as if he wanted to say something... I ran to him... but I stopped... I couldn't touch him... I came out for help...and .... and ..... perhaps I was the last one to see him alive...

A long silence crept into our conversation... no words from either side ... we both sat silently for a long time... and then I broke the silence...

Me: How?

Brother: He took his uncle's rifle....went inside the room ... sat on the floor stretching his legs perpendicular to the body.... pointed tip of the gun to under his chin.. and triggered rifle from his leg's thumb.... One shot ... and............................................


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Chand....

There are very few times when you feel relaxed. Nothing to worry about. December 2006 was among those precious times. I had joined new job, MS applications were over, shifted to new house with 2 more roommates and was completely out of breakups :). So fully concentrated on myself, just myself. I decided to enjoy my life at fullest, forgetting about guys, studies, blah blah.

Routine was simple, in week days wake up, go to office, come back, cook with roommates, girlish gossip at dinner time and sleep. On weekends, it was more fun, wake up late, have light breakfast then start home beauty parlor. Me and my roommate both were too enthusiastic about trying out new beauty tricks. Totally beauty freaks. Starting with facial, then massage, then hair pack, pedicure, manicure ...till clock ticks on 4 . Then take bath and sit again for gossip.

My roommate had unusual daily exercise of watching guy's pics on orkut or facebook. She was excited about all kind of handsome guys !! Though with the past bad experiences from guys, I was reluctant about seeing or even looking at any guy. I found no guy exciting, none charming. just one thought " Huh all guys are same and guys are ****". But still just for killing time I used to listen my roommates criticism on guys. Who looks how. Who is doing What. All bio-data, from their shape of tip of nose till their family background....... zzzz.....

She recently met one guy, his brother's friend and suddenly became a big fan of him. She told me, "there is my brother's friend, he is so handsome, he looks like Tom Cruise...",

"What!!!", I couldn't hide my bursting laughter.

She ignored my fishy smile, and pursuaded, " really, Chand looks like Tom Cruise"

"Chand!!" I thought rolling my eyes.

"yeah, his name is Chand. Oh forget about his name. Come see, I ll show you his pics. You ll then know how handsome he is. You wont believe me!!", she said putting full efforts to convince me and pulled my hand to show the pics. I thought " poor guy, today it's his tern to face postmartum, may God bless his soul, ...amen"

Pic 1 : " See here we are eating in restaurant, this is in orachard, at 8:30pm"
" Umm hmm!!" I said

Pic 2: " this is me, my brother and Chand"
"hmmm..." broad smile came to my face...

Pic 3: " and see see, this is at his place. He cooked such a nice food. He is awesome cook"
"Not bad!" I commented.

and the list went on

Last pic: " So what do you think... ai'nt he ? He looks even better in person than in pics. Some pics are not good".

and continued "he is very nice naturewise, he's my brothers best friend, he helps so much, he's very kind.... "

" okay okay, ... got it dear... can we now cook something... I am very hungry", I proposed to stop Mr. Chand's autopsy. Though I pretented not to be excited, but somehow I could not stop myself thinking about this Mr Chand. Hope to see him some day, I thought....

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Why was I hit..

I knocked at door happily. I was so excited to see my new born cousin Sidd. Though he was a couple of months now but its still pleasure to see babies. I loved all my cousins, when was born I was fourteen and Sidd's elder sister was barely four and half years old. Sinni, we call her Sinni. The happy family is complete as Sidd joined into the family canvas; Uncle, Aunty, Sidd and Sinni.

Door opened, and my aunt appeared as doors parted apart with a smile but she looked tired somewhat exhausted with the new born's nursery. "Good Morning Aunty!! how are you? How is Sidd?" I was excited in my tone. "Good, my dear. How are you? How is your studies going on? Sidd is good, he is inside, Come!! Come!!".

As we crossed the Lon, Sinni appeared. I addressed " Hey Sinni.......",

I stopped with a surprise as I could see tears in her eyes. She was frightened. My eyes were puzzled " What's going on !!!". Swiftly Uncle came behind Sinni and shouted at her, " You did it, right???.... I told you keep away from it .... but no ... you did even though I told you not to do???"
And with a swift he slapped her so hard that her face collided with the wall nearby. She trembled and struggled to stand on her feet again. She started crying.

My all excitement died deep into a grave and vanished. Both of us me and my aunty run to Sinni asking "What happened?" Aunty took Sinni into her arms and she started crying even louder. Uncle glared at her with red eyes in anger "Not a single cry !!". Sinni's loud outcry converted into sobs with immediate effect. Uncle looked at me, a guest at home. I was stunned, he turned back and went inside.

An unexpected fear crept into my bones. Tears came to my eyes. The next words I could hear were my aunt's, comforting my little cousin. I wanted to ask what has happened so severely, what a crime this young girl has committed to be punished like this. As I was about to ask my aunt, her eyes clearly implicated that this is not a right time to ask any questions.

That was too much for the day, I was done. I could not entered into the house anymore. I said " I want to go home, I will come back later". She agreed without persuading me much not to go. I too understood and left immediately.

While going back home, I remembered something. Dim memory of my childhood, I was hardly five or six year old. I remembered myself talking to my dad. Happy chatting.. we both were lying down in bed and chatting. He asked something, I don't remember WHAT!! and I answered something, I don't remember WHAT!! and suddenly I felt something heavy and hurting on my face... a swift blow... a slap.... next moment my body swing and I was on my feed on bed... second moment one more slap and I was on bed again my face down.... I didn't understand what happened and why happened... the only thing I felt was to cry ... cry aloud ... and I starting crying.

My mom came in running... hugged me ... hiding me into her arms... and I was unable to stop crying. Suddenly a loud hard voice vibrated my eardrum " STOP... no cries"... The commending voice converted into an electric shock travelled down through my spine and mind .... and the next moment I was sobbing silently... still in horror... hugging my mom desperately.

Next, I remember was: We, three of us, me my mom and my dad standing near roof boundary. I was hardly tall enough to look cross the one and haft feet high boundary wall. Mom was not happy with whatever happened a while ago. She looked straight across the wall watching roads and pedestrians downside. Dad broke the silence, explaining why I was beaten. His voice and gesture was something as if it was amusing!!.

Of course, my mom was never convinced. I tried hard to understand what did I say or what crime I committed to get such a punishment. I gave up...

Now, walking back to home from aunt's house, I understand why I could not understand the reason. Because I was TOO young to understand. My mind raced back to Sinni and I was now damn curious to know my answer through Sinni's crime. My be I have also committed such crime to get similar punishment... even harder.

After several days, we had get together at my home. Everyone happy and chatting. I couldn't stop myself asking what did Sinni do that day. My uncle started laughing, "O' you still remember it !!! I forgot long back!" with a long wide smile on his face.

"Of course, I do remember. Is it so funny! REALLY !!. I remember everything even after ten years" I thought but kept quite waiting for my answer.

"I put cleaned wheat grain on roof to dry up in the morning. I told her not to play around there. In the afternoon when I went up to check, she was not only playing with it but also poured water in spoiling everything!", My uncle responded.

WHAT A CRIME !!!!

I could understand that I must have done something similar.

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If you can solve maths numericals, you can do anything!!!!

My husband loves whatever I cook. My friends say your hands have 'taste' for whatever you cook is tasty. I cant believe it that I can cook!!! really !!!

When I was young, I used to love maths, specially numerical. Quite abnormal !!! Because in my class, girls were so scared of maths and all those subjects which has numerical problems: Physics and Chemistry as well. I think I could have solved maths because of my mom's faith. Her faith in me. Her faith in her daughter, in her dreams which she decided to fulfill through me, her beloved daughter, her meaning of life.

She nurtured me for 17 years, protecting from everything, covering me like unpenetrating shield. I am from a small town where girls do not have much liberty. They are still packed in home, got married at the age of 16 and where people start staring at them as soon as they get 14. When girls of my age started wearing salwaar suit, she let me wore skirt and jeans. It was not fashion, not at all. It was faith, faith in a girl, in a daughter that she has right to wear what she wishes without caring what people will say. One thing she never compromised was my studies. And I am happy I never let her down.

When all my friends became expert in cooking and household work, I was so naive even to make tea. Mom never allowed me to enter kitchen except taking food from there. I remember even in high fever she didnt allow me to enter kitchen to cook something. When I faught that I ll cook you take rest, she frowned "you are not so mature to cook anything".

WHAT !!!, C'on I am 16 year old mom. I thought but dare not to say, I know it ll hurt her. So I claimed "you are sick, just one day, it wont hurt my studies".

"No, this work is not for you. You go and slove maths".

"I just solved all problems". I explained.

"Then go and play, watch movies, but no work", after all she is my Mom, she knows how to shut me up. Being emmotional person, I too dare not poke her so much that she ll say something which ll hurt my heart.

I surrendered, "okay, you cook". I used to and still I do appreciate her labour in cooking and cleaning. I worked harder and harder in solving maths, physics and chemistry to meet her efforts. She was pleased to see my efforts. With every maths problem I solved, I could see a winning smile on her face, and for that smile I could spend 100 more hours in solving numerical.

One day to appreciate her hardwork, I told her "Mom you really work hard and you are so good at cooking, I could never be like you. I could never cook like you in my whole life". She said " if you can solve maths numerical, you can do anything". I could see enormous faith in her eyes on whatever she said.


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